Competition, children. Psychologists' pieces of advice

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Competition, children. Psychologists' pieces of advice.
I've found an interesting article which teaches us, adults, to be more considerate to our children, treat them as they are. What does a person suffer from most of all? From comparison! Sure, when this comparison isn't in his favor. Children, like grown-ups, suffer from comparison too and, perhaps, suffer even more. There are parents wishing to achieve some success from their child, often say that the neighbors' kids are bright pupils, and you've brought a bad mark again! They name their friends' and acquaintances' children, emphasizing their successes at school, in music, in sports and look at their own kids with regret — you are different!

It doesn't mean that these parents like somebody else's children more than their own; they simply think that comparing their kids with other children, their own sons and daughters will become better at school, in sports, in everything. The children will even be able to overtake and surpass the leaders. If it were so!

The constant comparison of your little one with other children may become a too painful blow for your kid's self-esteem. Your child starts doubting himself, his parents love; he can even begin hating those who are held up as an example.

If you don't want your kid to suffer and lose faith in himself, help him become better, successful, don't make him compete with more developed children. The kids' abilities are various: some have abilities for music or drawing, others are good at mathematics; and the physical development of the others are such, as if they were born for future records.

Your task is to find out and develop your kid's abilities, help him feel skillful and successful. It's not so important whether it'll be dancing or drawing, modeling or singing. The main here is to make your child feel confident, not worse than others. And that's it as each person has his own talents and abilities. It's significant to notice and discover the kid's abilities in time.

And at the same time to watch the others is necessary as it's known that the truth is learned in comparison. Comparing with others helps appreciate your efforts, abilities and perspectives. Only clear understanding of your «pluses» and «minuses» will stimulate your movement ahead.

It's necessary to avoid harmful competition, when a child who is little praised, feels his inability to meet his parents' requirements and is incapable to compete with other children on equal grounds. How to achieve this? Psychologists advise parents to follow some simple rules:

— Compare your kid not with other children but with...himself: «Yesterday you did such a sum himself and very quickly...» and etc.

— Let the kid play such games in which children don't compete with each other for the right to get a prise, praise but play team games and get a team prise.

— Praise your child in such an activity, which he likes, encourage his real not imaginary by you talents.

— Don't appraise his achievements and failures very strictly. Don't criticize, avoid sharp negative appraisals — it'll make your kid suffer and feel worse among other children. But the endless enthusiastic praises won't help to form an adequate self-appraisal. You should praise your child for what he has really done well and closely examine together with him his failures and understand their reasons.
— Let your kid make mistakes. They say that mistakes teach. We know that the older the kid gets, the more often he pays attention to his failures and compares himself with other children unwittingly. In such cases it's important to calm down the child, not to point to the mistake.

— Prepare the kid for the competition step-by-step so that his self-appraisal should not be lowered. It's your duty to tell the kid the truth, that life consists not only of victories, but also of defeats. The small person's task is to learn to turn these defeats into victories.

And certainly, it's necessary to teach the kid not to take failures close to heart. If you always support your little one and he's sure that you love him not for his achievements and because he/she is your son/daughter, it'll be easier for him to survive a failure. He should always feel that you believe in him — then he'll manage to cope with everything!

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