About brotherly love. How to bring up the children friendly

  • 0
  • +2

To bring up the children friendly means:
1. You yourself should understand what frank and sincere feelings are, experience them to your close relations and, what is more important, be able to reveal them.

2. Accept and admit each child's individuality as your kids will be different and quite often very different. They possess various requirements to the attention of their close people, their needs in freedom and limitations are different, they have got various emotional display — to say nothing of the various temperaments, tastes and interests.

3. Watch over your attitude to the kids: there shouldn't be any discrimination in favor of the younger or the older one.

4. You shouldn't find easy solutions to the conflicts. Don't follow your own stereotypes (Mike is a quiet boy, so, if they have quarreled, certainly, this fidget Jane is guilty — she always picks on him.")

5. You shouldn't impose upon your elder son or daughter the duty to look after the younger one. You should never use the words: «Bob, you are older.» You can speak about the difference in the age, when it concerns the fights — «It's very bad to offend the younger ones.» or «Ann doesn't go to school, so, she doesn't need to do homework, she can play. And you, Pete, must do your homework now.» Never say addressing your kid: «Yield to your younger sister's wants.» «You are older, you must.» «Look after your little brother.» and so on.

6. Try to avoid holding each other as an example.

7. If you can't say for sure who is to blame, it's better to punish a bit both of the children, or, perhaps, not to punish anybody at all (if it's a broken vase).

8. For strengthening love and friendly feelings, it's necessary to emphasize the family unity, the importance of love among the members of the family. The ideal rule of behavior sounds like this: «In our family...», for example, «In our family nobody fights with each other.» You shouldn't continue with the words: «Have you seen your mum or dad fight?» for it's a moral of the kind «I'm good and you're bad.» Thus, it's quite enough to say: «In our family we do the following.»

9. Don't enforce anybody to love and friendship, but teach them to reveal their good feelings. A little child can't realize his feelings yet, so, it's quite natural when a parent pronounces them for him. «You are scared because...», «I understand that you feel pain,» «It's so nice! You are happy, aren't you?» Remember, it's very useful to pronounce your kid's feelings for him. But it'll be harmful to pronounce them in conflicts, you should do it only when the children are communicating positively revealing their best feelings towards each other.

10. Teach your kids to communicate with each other. Show him step-by-step how to start a talk and how to continue it. Explain to him how to play, how to refuse playing together, how to settle an argument, how to ask for something, how to offer something, how to help and how to accept help.
So, you've taught you kids love, friendship, support and now you should maintain these qualities all the time. The parents' good example is of great importance here.

In the end, here's one practical piece of advice — a simple and quick way to settle an argument between brothers and sisters or between other close relations. It's called «Look at each other» and can work from the age of one-year old till the old age. It works only among very close people — family members and their close friends; with strangers you can have a different effect, even a negative one. So, an argument or a conflict starts — the kids are arguing about their toys, they are busy with their own things. What we do first is to draw their attention to ourselves, we simply call them asking to look at mum or dad. It's a very important step and it can't be omitted. Then we draw their attention to each other — «Look at each other». If it doesn't work, we turn to the names: «Jane, look at Frank, or, Alice, look at George.» We wait till they look straight eyes into eyes. In half of the cases the conflict is over at this stage: the children starts smiling and forget about the argument at all. So, your task here is to distract them from the subject of their quarrel. In other cases the kids start smiling, but they don't forget about the subject of their argument. Then, you are to keep them in this positive contact — eyes to eyes for some time, beginning to ask questions about how they are going to solve their problem little by little. Perhaps, sometimes it's better to suggest your variant of the reconciliation. Remember — at this time the children's eyes should be fixed on each other, but not on the subject of their quarrel. Later on, your kids themselves will learn to switch over to each other and solve the problems thinking of each other, but not of the subject of the quarrel. We can't admit that this way works on 100%, it's impossible. But in most cases it's very effective.
Child care, psychology

Comments (0)

Only registered users can comment.