St Valentine's Day. Funny Stories and Jokes for Kids to Read and Laugh

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We wish you a fun-filled Valentine's Day and offer these funny stories and jokes for kids for reading, laughing and having a good time.

St Valentine's Day. Funny Stories and Jokes for Kids to Read and Laugh

St Valentine's Day Funny Stories and Jokes


500 Valentine Cards Sent by Desperate Man


Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine's day, he couldn't help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking «Love» stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes.

By now Mike's curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards. The man replied, «I'm sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'»

«But why?» asked Mike.

«I'm a divorce lawyer,» the man replied.

True Story — Bakery for Dogs Opens in Paris


Dog biscuits for Valentine's day

An award-winning pastry chef has opened a bakery in Paris which caters only for dogs. Mon Bon Chien sells bacon biscuits in the shape of a cat and also bone-shaped cookies made of foie gras, reports the BBC.

The owner is Harriet Sternstein who moved to Paris from the US with her dog Sophie-Marie. Sophie-Marie provided the inspiration for the new business for her owner, who decided the best way to make a living was to combine her biggest enthusiasms — pastries and pets.

'Everything is made in the back of the boutique', said Ms Sternstein, 'Every day, I make 200 to 300 biscuits and special orders are taken on a daily basis.'

'The Parisians come — and the first time they think it's very funny and they look at it, and buy the ones that they think are the cutest. Then the dogs come back and choose which flavours they like the best.

'I change flavours, based on what's going on, I will be creating a special biscuit for Valentine's Day.'

Short, Tasteless Joke for Valentine's Day


Paul went to the shopping mall this last week to buy Valentines' cards for his daughter and mother.
The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of cards astounded him. Paul muttered out loud, 'I wonder if they have anything for ex-wives?'
The shopkeeper, behind the counter said, 'Oh, yes sir, they do have an «ex» category, but they're in Sporting Goods.'
'Really?' queried Paul.
'Yes sir. They're called darts.'

Valentine Love Failure — Passion Extinguished


An Austrian 'Romeo' burnt the house down after making a giant heart out of blazing candles. Valentine's day candles

Hannes Pisek, 20, from Hoenigsberg in the province of Styria, used 220 candles to make a huge heart on the floor of his flat. He then lit them and went to pick up his girlfriend from work — but the plan backfired when the flat caught fire.

Pisek was left out in the cold as firemen battled to bring the blaze under control. He has now lost his home and his girlfriend — she left him afterwards and has moved back with her parents.

St Valentine's Day. Funny Stories and Jokes for Kids to Read and Laugh

A Funny Valentine Love Story


He loved her so very much. He wanted this Valentine's day to be special. So he had ordered a bottle of her favourite drink, imported from France, and it had arrived in time for the occasion. On his way home, he stopped at the local florist. He had planned to have a bouquet made with her favourite flowers, white anemones. To his dismay, he found that the florist had sold all her flowers and had only a few sterns of feathery ferns left for decoration.

In a moment of inspiration, he had the answer. He asked the florist to make a bouquet using the flask of liquor instead of flowers and what she produced was magnificent well beyond his expectations.

He added a card, and proceeded home. When he arrived, his wife was beautiful in her most elegant gown, and it was apparent that she had spent much of the day preparing a romantic candlelight dinner for the two of them.

He presented her with his gift, and she opened the card to read, «Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.»

With a tear in her eye, she whispered to him lovingly, «Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones.»

Author unknown

Early Valentine's Day for Gander and Donkey


A donkey is making a complete ass of herself after falling in love with a gander. The farm where the unlikely couple live, in the town of Cottbus, Germany, has been swamped by journalists and visitors after the affair appeared in a local newspaper, the Lausitzer Rundschau.

The gander, whose name is Hannibal, met Heidi the donkey when he was put into her enclosure for being too aggressive to be kept with the other birds. Staff say the couple quickly fell for each other, eating and sleeping together and are now completely inseparable. The gander jealously attacks any male donkeys who go near Heidi. Heidi in turn is not interested in other donkeys, and follows Hannibal around all day long.

After Valentine's Day — Story of What Becomes of the Broken Hearted


A hospital clinic for the broken hearted has been set up in Germany to give emergency treatment to those who experience love failure, and have been dumped. What becomes of the broken hearted

Set up by Munich based Doctor Birgit Delisle, the clinic in the Schwabing Hospital is aimed primarily at lovesick teenagers who do not know how to cope with a broken heart.' Having your heart broken can lead to physical and psychological problems, from loss of appetite which leads to sudden weight loss to unbelievable pain that drives many people to take drastic measures.'

The free clinic in the Bavarian capital will have experts on hand to advise both sexes on how to cope with being single. There is little truth in the rumour that thousands of young people are travelling to Munich as I write this report.

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Pat asked his friend, Mike, what he’d bought his wife for Valentine’s Day.
“I’ve bought her a belt and a bag.”
“That sound good, I hope she appreciated the thought.”
Mike replied: “So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.”

Hindsight

[A humorous Valentine poem]

I said to you, 'Oh, please be mine;
Be mine forever, Valentine.'
I must have seemed like quite a fool,
Although I thought I was being cool.
I swore that we would never part,
As I put my hand upon my heart.
Had I been thinking with my head,
I'd probably have fled instead.

By Joanna Fuchs

St Valentine's Day. Funny Stories and Jokes for Kids to Read and Laugh

You'll find more ideas here: kids holidays

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Some more Valentine's Day funny stories:

Valentine Kiss

Betty logged onto her Facebook account early in the evening on Valentine's Day. She posted, «As soon as I got home this evening, I received a big wet kiss from the one I love!»

«That's so sweet!» Her friend Jill posted in reply, «What did he say afterward?»

Betty answered, «He didn't say anything. He just kept kissing me until I gave him one of his favorite doggy treats.»

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Valentine Chihuahua Puppy

This Chihuahua puppy literally wears its heart on its sleeve. The cute male pooch, born with a perfect heart-shaped patch on its side, has been suitably named Heartkun by its owner in northern Japan. The one-and-a-half-month-old pup was born as one of a big litter, but is the only new arrival to sport such a heart-warming coat.

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Spread Love — Marmite for Valentine's Day

Selfridges of London have launched a limited edition of Marmite laced with champagne. The jars will go on sale just before Valentine's Day 2008. Unilever are producing 500,000 jars of Lovers' Marmite. In addition to the the usual yeast extract, there will be an extra ingredient — champagne. The maximum champagne content will be a trivial half of one percent, enough to add flavour, but not enough to make you drunk!.

The special Valentine jars, are labelled: 'I love you' and 'For my lovely Marmite lover'. These ordinary jars are priced at £2.99 and £3.99 respectively. However, the jewellery designer Theo Fennell has created 50 pots of Lovers' Marmite with an engraved sterling silver lid, these will cost £145 ($300) each, obtainable at Selfridges stores. Guinness flavoured Marmite.

Incidentally, Marmite's yeast extract is a by-product from brewing. The best and original Marmite is made in Burton-on-Trent, England, and should be confused Promite or Vegemite. Whereas Marmite is 100% vegetarian another rival Bovril is made from cows — don't ask how.

To digress, Will and Guy prefer the Guinness flavoured Marmite. Moreover, we have heard a rumour that Unilever are working on a Whisky version. The only problem is that in trials most of the alcohol is boiled off in the production process.
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